my oldest friend

Did i ever told you about my oldest friend, she watch me most nights, she never talk, but she's a great listener, some nights she just disappear, but she always come back,and when she return ..
i have to look around to find her, she look shy , i don't know why , is it because she left me for last nights? or it's just another game for her ..
I like how she look at me..
i love how she make me feel ...
and i love how we spend the night together,
but .. when i wake up in the morning ..
i look around .. and she's gone..
i know she has lot of friends, but i like to feel that I'm the only one
you wanna see her? just look around in the sky .. and there she is ..

Token by photokristi

Life..

OK i know my mood was down lately, and i was blaming everything ( i still do) including my self.
the thing is i was thinking about my past and all wrong choices i made, and how i waste years of my life, and long list of why and what if.

but that's enough, past is past, i have to move on

I'm not the only one who had a bad life, almost every single human on earth will tell me the same, the only difference is some of them learn from their mistakes, some of them didn't.

so how i should learn from my mistakes? and what should i do?

actually i knew the answer but i was lazy and i wanted to find an easy way.

but again that's life I'm talking about, there is no easy way i can't just start new life

i have to make peace with my past and take baby steps to move forward, and maybe someday I'll look around and I'll be pleased with what i have been accomplished.

Losing Hope

The 8th anniversary of saddam regime fall is just in few days, and that means a month later is my 8th anniversary of entering iraq for first time.

with all of it suffer and difficulty it's one of my very best days, days that i was filled with dreams and hope.

and now after 8 years, i faced with brutal fact that i can't even recognize my country anymore.

this is not my country i dreamed about ..

i had enough watching little kids stood under the hot sun in summer and sell water to people who sited on they A/C cars !!

or an old woman looking in cabbages for worthless stuff!

i had enough with a government who doesn't care about their own people.

i can go on and on about what i'm going thru everyday of my last 8 years.

but none of them compared to that i'm losing my hope, a hope of one day iraq will rise up, and no iraqi kid have to suffer anymore.

This Arabic poem to doctor ahmad al waeli in 1965 describe Iraq situation on that time, but it that nothing changed..

بغداد يومـك لا يزال كأمسه *** صورٌ علـى طرفي نقيض تجمع
يطغى النعيـم بجانب وبجانب *** يطغـى الشقا فمرفّه ومضيع
في القصراغنية على شفةِ الهوى *** والكوخ دمعٌ في المحاجر يلذع
ومن الطوى جنب البيادر صرّع *** وبجنب زق ابـي نؤاس صرّع
ويد تكبّل وهـي مما يُفتدى *** ويدٌ تقبّل وهي مما يُقطـع
وبراءة بيـد الطغاة مهانة *** ودناءة بيـد المبرِّر تصنـع
ويصان ذاك لأنـه من معشر *** ويضام ذاك لأنّه لا يركـع

Good and Evil

There were a war between good and evil from the first day human put his/her foot on earth.
and from the day that prophet mohammad announce that he is a messenger from god, there were two groups, one who seek real message of islam and one who want to make profit from it.

the tragedy of Karbala is the best example of that conflict.

but it didn't end there, for last 1400 years shia were getting arrested, tortured and killed by governments regime, and the result was that they just got stronger and stronger..


and what happening in Bahrain or Saudi Arabia is another example of this conflict between good and evil.

so my advise to those regimes is do yourself a favor and look at the history and learn.

bin ali,mubarak,saddam.. it's a long list and let's don't forget yazid

Why I'm here!!

Imagine the life as a swim competition ..

there will be three groups

first group who are great swimmers and they swim fast

second group they not great swimmers ..
some of them swim really slow and some of them barely keep they head out of water ..
and sometimes they even drawn for few seconds ..
but eventually they will reach the end point

and there's the third group who simply can't swim or they terrible swimmers, they never can make it .. and they will drawn eventually

***

there's no doubt the first group are the winners .. and last group are losers ..

but what about the second group? the middle one?

they not winners or losers .. they just happy they still alive.

***

i think that's how i really are ...
i'm just happy that i didn't drawn yet ..
but it seem that I'm missing the point .. isn't the victory is for whom reach first ..

how many times i read in quran:

وَالسَّابِقُونَ السَّابِقُونَ ﴿١٠﴾ أُولَـٰئِكَ الْمُقَرَّبُونَ ﴿١١﴾ سورة الواقعة
And the foremost are the foremost, These will be those Nearest to Allah (10-11 Al-Waqi'a)

it seems i got so busy in life .. that i just forget my purpose in life

and i do nothing than moving in same circle..
i never improved myself, i say same prayer i do in years ..

why i can't improve myself?
and get closer to god ...
isn't that why I'm here?

A Heaven on Earth

last friday i went to karbala .. after three weeks since ashura day ..

before we enter karbala .. i closed my eyes for few minutes..
and when i open my eyes .. we were there .. i step out of the car ..
and there were was.. abol fath al abbas shrine ... that's the first thing i could see from distance
***
The atmosphere was amazing, there were reading dua al-kumail in ben ol haramin
while i was walking i start whispering my favorite part of zayart al-nahye:

Peace be upon him, who was saturated in (his) blood...
Peace be upon the one who is at rest in Karbala...
Peace be upon the parched lips...

when i reached to holy shrine of imam hossien .. I kissed the wooden door, and it had a lovly smell .. i stood a minute to realize where i am .. and which gates i'm entering ..
I realize it's truly heavens door ..

and then there was the holy shrine ... i stood at the golden gate asking my imam to enter his shrine ..

in the hadith if your eyes wiped .. that's the sign of permission

after reading the zyarat al wareth .. i found a place to sit .. just a few steps from the shrine ..

***

after i finished my prayer and duaa .. i walked to the shrine so i'll be able to hold and kiss it..

once i touch the shrine .. i begin to remember what happened to my imam in ashura day..
i remembered how imam was lying on the ground and he can't stand up because of his wounds ..

***

it was one of most amazing minutes of my life in the heaven of earth ..